Randomness

So lets ask the following question. Why is it that the guys I am interested in do not seem very interested back. The crazy guys seem to be the ones that I generally attract. A good example, a random guy IMs me. He does not know my name, or anything else. He asks me what my best feature is... I said my smile, its usually out and about. I threw the question back at him... He said his eyes and his package. Woah! Dude! Way to much information. Especially since I don't know who you are how you get my IM or anything else. Suffice it to say the window got closed very quickly.
In the meantime, still feeling very single and lonely. I saw a friend of mine get married this week it was an absolute blast but it was weird being there feeling old and single. I hate this feeling. Sigh. The good news is that I looked amazing! Check out the pictures on facebook if you have it.

A week so icky it actually got rediculous, but some good stuff too

This past week was pretty horrible. I got threatened both monetarily and bodily. (A pt's son wasn't happy that the plan was for his mom to go home the next day but no one knew anything about it and the SW wasn't there) There are days where the pt's somehow decide everything is my fault even though they are not my pt. There was also just a lot of work regardless of how hard and fast I worked. Sigh.
But there were some good things... my sister and my grandmother are both thank g-d doing a lot better. I had a rather lovely weekend, and am hoping to go back to sleep in a bit. (I love Sundays!) Also b/c its the season we get some fun stuff at work like food toys etc. I even got a literal free lunch!
In terms of guys nothing that exciting appears to be happening. I did recently have a guy who was 70 something interested in talking to me. I declined. For some bizarre reason I was not interested in talking to a man who could literally be my grandfather. I also ended up with a really fun group of people at Friday night dinner some of the guys there were really cute. Although they were young. One of them just graduated college. Oh well. Still fun.

Let's talk traveling

So I literally just got back from Buffalo. Buffalo in and of itself was wonderful! I had a wonderful time having quality time with my dad. Alas the trip in and the trip back were both miserable. I love Jetblue. The tvs the space. Even the kosher funky snacks. But by the time I finally landed from both I was A. really nauseous, B. in pain (my ears do not regulate pressure.) C. very frustrated. The flight today was seriously delayed about two hours. Not b/c of the supposed horrific Buffalo weather (Yes there was snow on the ground but it was only a few inches, but today it was raining so you could actually see grass.) but primarily due to JFK and the fact that they had ONE count them ONE runway open. How could have a major airport be open with only ONE runway? Will go one better this poor little baby on the plane was so miserable and screamed for about a half an hour as we were landing. I'm guessing b/c his ears were not regulating pressure. The poor thing. The good news I got a lot of Knitting done. Ah well. Hopefully the next time I fly I won't be super delayed.

Emotionally, Intellectually, Mentally...

So here's the deal when you are single about a certain age you start feeling really single. Your friends are all married, they have kids and then there's you and you're single. You find out that someone who is younger than you is engaged and your feeling is mazel tov to them but what about me? Most recently I found out that someone with no social skills whatsoever is engaged. So I had two reactions 1. OMG he's engaged really who would get married to him? I guess that means to every pot there is a lid. 2. What about me? Of course I found out this information in shul and start talking to one of my friends about it who happens to be married. He said I have no social skills and I managed to get married my comment was that is not true. He said well how do you feel about it emotionally, intellectually and mentally. I answered mentally I can be happy for him... (Although he has no social skills a friend of mine called him a death eater of socializing sucking all the being social out of a situation) intellectually, and emotionally WHAT ABOUT ME? Then interestingly enough I was reading the latest Nora Roberts wedding quartet book called bed of roses (Ok Shameless Nora Roberts Plug) and one of the scenes is that the protagonist had babysat someone else and the kid was now engaged. The protagonist was upset hurt etc and having a hard time with the whole thing and I thought yes exactly! This makes sense. Sigh still feeling single but at least I know there are other people out there who feel the same way. Even if it is just a protagonist in a book.

People watching

So I actually tend to really enjoy people watching be it on a subway, bus, or just amongst friends. Most recently, I went to really good friends for thanksgiving. The food was beyond amazing. I woke up the next day and was still full. But it was interesting b/c I had not met all of their family. I met some of them here and there. Some of them were super sweet. One of them I found interesting. She kept pushing me out of the way both figuratively and literally be it in the middle of conversations or the kitchen. I finally went huh. I'm unimpressed. I do not need to be in the middle of everything although it can be fun. But I found it interesting that another person can do that even amongst friends and family. I also found it interesting that my family as much as I love them weren't the only insane eccentric group and that every family has its own shtick and things to tease each other better.
P.S. I sort of asked a guy out tonight. Got turned down. Yet they still chose to hang out, eat my food, and watch one of my movies.... Sigh.

If you do not have a sick mind please don't read this...

So yesterday at work I got a new stress toy from one of the agencies we work with... Its blue, very squishable, and if you hold it a certain way it flips itself inside out. I immediately nicknamed it my very phallic squeeze toy. My coworkers having similar sick senses of humor had a blast. The following were actual comments...
1. please stop hitting me with a plastic blue dick.
2. Dude Ilana if this is all you get I feel sad for you.
3. Hmmm I wonder if you actually put it on a guys *&(^$ does that save your mouth/hand while you are giving hand/B-Js?
4. Lol I can't believe how Ilana is holding it as she waves it in front of her and it jiggles.
I think I'm going to stop here before I get myself in total trouble... I'm sure you can see that it went on from there.
As part of the day yesterday I sang the Cowen Family Minhag (aka tradition) Happy thanksgiving song which I will share... Happy Thanksgiving Hooray Hooray Hooray aren't you glad you're not a turkey on this Thanksgiving day? One of my coworkers looked at me and went wow that is sick but very funny.

I know the kind of guy I want!

Two very sweet things happened at work today. Both at about 5 pm. I have two patients one male one female who's spouse is very involved. One of them the spouse is staying on a different unit but they visit each other multiple times a day. The other the spouse visits daily tonight they were singing with each other. I happened to pass by and proceeded to melt. It was so sweet. I've decided these are the kind of men I want. Alas they don't seem to exist. Sigh.

Making turkeys

So there are certain foods that every time means an automatic phone call to my mom. Although I am off today all I've done so far is cook and clean. I got a free turkey from work and I figured I would make early thanksgiving. So in the end I am making full shabbos. This is my 3rdish turkey I've ever made in my life. The first one I remember my coworkers telling me I should make stuffing to which my comment was I can't in good conscience stick my hand up a turkey's butt. I feel like I'm doing enough to it as it is.
This morning I woke up after sleeping a ridiculous amount of time last night. Spoke to my dad who said my mom was in PTA conferences. I called her asked her to call me back while I was waiting I made 5 pumpkin pies, 10ish mini pumpkin pie cupcakes, rugelach batter. Finally about 11 call my mom again and go help. Yet again we're trying to figure out which way the turkey goes. Yes I know its breast side is up but which side is that? So I thought back to my days working at a camp that was housed on a farm. Same side as the legs. Ok. Put spices on. Went uh oh need to remove a oven rack. Burned my finger. The good news the turkey is now up... The bad news is my hand went up a turkey's butt yet again.

Recent various words of the day...

Today in the course of my really bad day at work I get a phone call, "Hi is this person in charge of escorts?" I told them no and transferred the call to someone who can help and then burst out laughing. I wanted to say not that kind of escort.
Jello. The day before one of my very difficult patients was being discharged I am informed he wants to see me. I'm like dude he's going home tomorrow what does he need. Evidently the night before he was trying to provide Jello to his roommate. His roommate somehow didn't get it but the pt decided the roommate and tried to provide his jello and gave the staff a very hard time. I came out of the conversation cracking up OMG he needed to see me to discuss Jello? Really? I have nothing better to do with my time?
Suicide. I have a super difficult patient who dropped the S-word in the course of a conversation. I looked at her and asked is this really a suicide attempt or is this is a way to get attention. Oh wait she wants attention. And don't you know she was just kidding about the suicide and why don't I find it funny? I had to explain that as a social worker any conversation any discussion of the word suicide and I automatically have to react. But Ilana I'm just kidding. Right.
Crack... So my coworkers crack me up periodically. They were joking around that one of the stuffed animals in the office was on crack. 2 seconds later a cop knocks on the door he is a parole officer and wants to discuss one of the patients.
Yarn. I'm in process of making multiple things with yarn including a baby blanket. That's ultimately going to look like pizza. Two of my good friends just had a baby and they nicknamed the baby while in utero pizza. So I went to the yarn store yesterday to pick up some more yarn to complete the blanket. I got there and had to explain that I needed more soft yarn to make a pizza blanket. I got some very funny looks. Only me.

Some guy situations

So two guy situations that I wanted to share...
1. Pilot dude he is a really sweet cute guy he lives in CA and happens to be a pilot. Yes you read that correctly that means a uniform But alas a few weeks ago I went online directly after shabbos and he was there. But he's in CA that's 3 hours behind us why is he online? So I asked him he's like well I don't really always do all of shabbos. Ok this one's over. Sigh.
2. A new guy in the heights who's actually my age! Woo hoo! I had gone into the local supermarket saw a friend of mine who is engaged and convinced him that he will be shlepping my groceries home. While I was there I ran into the new dude. We're shmoozing and joking and this random girl who I had run into a couple of times in the store hadn't met her joined the conversation. I introduced myself and then introduced the guy. Then I turned into a wing-man (wing woman?) I got the last of my groceries and went home but the guy wanted to borrow some stuff from me. The next thing I know he's over hanging out for about a good hour and a half. As it turns out he ended up walking the other girl home helped her with her groceries she fed him dinner invited him for friday night dinner. How did I go from a possibility to a wing man. Only me. Sigh. I'll continue to keep you posted.

Neenar Neenar Neenar

So before I begin this post let me state that this is not aimed at anyone specifically but just something that has been thrown in my face a lot recently.
So it seems when people get engaged, start dating, get married suddenly they change. This makes some sense they have a new person in their lives and therefore it makes sense that their behavior would change. But lets talk about some of the changes. People suddenly change plans on you last second b/c they are going out, or you know they can say or do whatever they want b/c after all they are engaged, dating, or married. So they can treat you like crap, they can hurt your feelings, and you just have to accept it b/c its the neenar neenar neenar syndrome. I have something you want and therefore can talk down to you, and you can't do anything about it. So for example, you have to sit where I tell you, how I tell you, act the way I tell you and again neenar neeenar neenar. This would be fine if you had a way to combat the syndrome but alas as long as you are single and are trying to be yourself it means you are now a lower life form. Not a human on the grounds that you are still single regardless of anything else going on in your life. I had two people both younger than me this past week talk to me as if I do not have two brain cells. One of them informed me that I have to watch my language in my office in front of a 26 year old. The other informed me that b/c its related to her I have to do anything and everything that she wants. I'm sorry if I'm a friend why do I have to change my behavior if I am not hurting anyone. So it is back to the neenar neenar neenar syndrome. Sigh. If anyone has any ideas on how to combat it please let me know. Thanks.

Work sucked today except for 2 things...

So my day started pretty badly today but there were 2 funny things that happened at work. 1 We were trying to move a pt to a dialysis unit that is attached to a nursing home so he wouldn't have to be transported. I sent the stuff from the nursing home and the dialysis unit sent their info. I called up the nursing home to follow up and they said there was a problem with the info? Oh? Evidently the pt was denied the transfer b/c the dialysis unit informed them that he keeps getting out of the dialysis bed and they are afraid he's going to fall. This referral was the dialysis unit's idea. Wouldn't it make more sense to say something like the pt needs extra supervision while he is undergoing dialysis? It says the same thing but my version may have actually gotten the pt transferred.
2. We have a new patient coming in I was introducing myself and the way into the pt's room one of my coworkers gives the pt's son a huge hug and then goes in the room. I looked at the son and went oh do you guys know each other? Nope but evidently we are going to be very good friends. The second funny factor is the pt's name is Joe, the son's name is Joe, (ok that makes some sense) but the daughter in law's name is Joe, and there's a grandson named Joe. My comment I guess they really like the name Joe.

Lastly crazy dating story let me tell you about Homicidal maniac. I was really young for this one, I was a senior in high school (Yes even I would call myself 2 at that point)I went to go and check out colleges and met this guy who seemed really sweet (he was a twin in fact [no comments from the peanut gallery please]) we spoke on the phone a little bit didn't have much to say but I was pretty new to the dating thing. He came to Buffalo for a weekend which was rather nice. I was kind of bored with him. My friends where he was staying was thrilled b/c he set up their computer for him. After the weekend he asked me when was the next time he could see me. I went maybe we should go slowly I wasn't so sure about him. The next thing I know he starts sending me these crazy scary diatribe emails. I went ok that's it. The good news is then I went to college got a new email address and never checked the Toronto one again. Hmmm I wonder if I still have crazy emails from the dude waiting for me.

Apologies

So one of my biggest pet peeves is the feeling that I'm going to lose friends b/c they suddenly start going out with someone. I am very careful especially when it is a guy that I'm friendly with. I've lost too many friends when they start dating someone. For some reason girls get scared guys get frustrated and I end up losing friends. In terms of my last post which has now been deleted I do apologize. I still do not like PDA and I still get very scared when guy friends go out and girl friends change.

When is enough, enough?

So I had a pt who decided he was going to Missouri I mentioned this is on a previous post. I arranged his transportation there, I got him home care there, I got him a primary doctor there, I tracked down his brother's contact info and let him use my cell phone to call. Finally, I helped him pack and put him in a taxi. I received a phone call from him, although when we sent him to Missouri we gave him 2 weeks worth of prescriptions as well as any leftover meds. Evidently, that wasn't good enough b/c he is in Missouri and he can't access his meds there. Somehow that was all my fault. Oy.
In terms of my dating life I've been talking to a guy from Frumster. I discovered that we had met before. At one point I was at a game night and met him there when he was super obnoxious and nasty and moved my chair so I was now sitting half on the carpet half on the floor. I called a spade a spade and went wow you really are an ass. Somehow I do not think this would be a good match considering most of my friends see him as a moocher. I don't deal well with moochers. Oy. So far I'm not returning calls and no longer have access to him on facebook so I can tell him its not going to work.

All about the randomness.

So today at work I set up a pt to go Missouri. Now my complete lack of geography means I have no clue where Missouri is (Yes I know its one of the 50 states) and I think I'm spelling it correctly, but at work I bought the pt a ticket with his money, found a doctor for him, found a home care agency for him. And for some bizarre reason now I'm tired. Huh.
Latest crazy dating story didn't even get that far... I think this one will be weird smoker dude. I was talking to a frumster guy (for those of you who do not know think E-harmony for religious Jews) who accuses me of being super religious as I'm telling him that I wear pants and wants to know if I smoke. My immediate response was no I'm asthmatic really don't smoke and can't really handle being around smokers. He continues to nudge me and makes some random comments about me smoking. I'm talking to a good friend of mine who tell me to get rid of the guy I turn to the guy online and I'm like this is a weird conversation, as it was getting weirder I'm like yeah no this isn't going to work. He kept going. He seems to be all about the smoking. Finally closed the window and ignored the dude. Why is it I keep finding these guys?

Stop the world!!!!!!!!

So I've come to several realizations.
1. Finding a normal cute Jewish guy is really really difficult.
2. There are days where I just wish my job were flipping burgers.
3. Some days my magic wand doesn't work no matter how much I want it to...
4. Like the song from Wicked No Good Deed Goes Unpunished.

But to continue with the wonderful Ilana's Crazy Dating life Saga let me tell you about Boring dude. I had a phone conversation with a guy that was 15 minutes I got off the phone and felt it was 14 minutes too long but I figured you know maybe he just has no phone skills we'll give him a chance. On my way to the date I randomly ran into my sister. I got there before he did and we met at Barnes and Noble. Really fun b/c while I was waiting for him to show up I got to through Books...... YAY! Finally, he shows up. I was so beyond bored. OMG. It was painful. Every time I attempted a conversation he just sort of ended it. I was fingering my cell phone and figured out I could not text without making it to obvious. I even saw a guy that I really dislike and was tempted to call him over b/c I was so bored. I figured at the least its been an hour. It was only half an hour. Finally I got away from the guy. The next day got an email from him stating he just does not think it is a good idea for us to continue. I was dying of laughter I figured out he only sent me the email first so he can save his ego. Sigh.

My life is too random

So there were various random events recently...
A Funny things happened at work.
I'm interviewing an 80 year old man at work who is hard of hearing, and confused. I was asking him his preferences you know does he want a nap in the am vs pm etc. I asked him if he wants to have a male or female help him. He said he didn't care but he did want a young chippy to help him out. His children and I all burst out laughing.

I'm at simchat torah (Jewish holiday you do a lot of dancing and hanging out its just generally a lot of fun but I wasn't feeling so hot) a guy I haven't spoken to in months approaches me and informs me that I am dating someone... My reaction is I am that's a new one for me. This guy explains to me that its someone in the know who had told him... I'm sorry still shocked. It took me a little bit to figure out who they thought I was dating. When I finally figured it out I was infinitely amused. It is a guy friend. Nothing more nothing less.
Other random event I see this guy who looks familiar I can't place him to save my life. I pull a bunch of guy friends to try and figure out where I know him from (they know me from different points in my life.) I couldn't figure out if it was NCSY, Penn. Finally I pulled a friend of mine who identified him but it took me a while longer to figure out where I know him from. The answer was I didn't go back far enough in my past. As it turns out he was a high school classmate. I went over to him the next day and freaked him out... It was very funny.

Confessions of a Jewish Dater...

So let me start just by stating that every guy I go out with gets a nickname. Or even a guy that I talk to on the phone...
Let me continue with I am a religious Jewish female who considers herself modern orthodox and finding a modern orthodox guy who can handle a female who is self-sufficient and a bit of a flirt seems to be almost impossible... I'll keep you posted with more dating stories. I'll start with one though. A good college friend of mine decides he has a perfect guy for me. We went on a date to barnes and noble talked for about two hours. I felt like I could talk to him for hours longer. He drives me back to NYC. Says he'll call me. I don't hear from him for 2 weeks. So I text him with a I guess you're not interested. He says yeah it was a good first date but not to go forward. He got the nickname of one hit wonder. When I repeated the nickname to one of my coworkers she was like OMG you slept with him on a first date? I'm like no it was just a good first date.