Saturday, December 29, 2012

Does feelings of inadquecy ever go away?

So here's the deal.  I'm happy for my friends who are getting engaged and married.  YAY go them!  But there's the "what about me" feeling that seems to periodically penetrate my persona.  Its hard.  Multiple friends who are all younger than me lately have been getting engaged and married.  I was talking to three good friends today who all agreed that its hard.  But the issue is putting your feelings of frustration and anger aside and to be happy for your friends.  This is something admittedly I'm working on.  Someone asked me today what it would like  I said if I had my dream, my response then I would be married with 2.5 kids and a steady job.  (In this case the half means pregnant not anything horrible but it took me a while to explain this)  I remember when I was in high school (an all girl's school) we used to joke around to a jewish folk song "oooh I know there is a boy for me I just don't know where he could be..."  I guess I never thought many years after this time in my life I'd still be wondering the same question.  Notice I'm not telling you how many years its been.  I'm trying to not date myself ;-) 
I was talking to another friend in shul and explained recently that a mutual friend of ours has decided to be shomer negiah (aka not touch the opposite gender) with just me.  I'm trying to figure out how to not take it offensively that he doesn't want a hug from me but is willing to touch other girls.  Hopefully the next post will continue my wonderful trend of all the guys that I've supposedly dated. 

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